With every passing second we find ourselves bordering on the tipping point between complete asshole and hopeless romantic. Although feminism may have killed chivalry, most men still find themselves over extending their hearts and pockets in hopes of wooing a new love. While people pride themselves on their “work hard, play hard mentality”, the truth is we spend our nights and weekends in the office in hopes of one day securing the one that got away. Although our financial aspirations may be noble, we simply cannot prevent ourselves from dropping every nickel and dime on a late night romp some raunchy drunken sex. Your twenties primarily serve as a period in your life during which your social limitations, sexual cravings, and financial ceiling come to head each and every night. To deny yourself indulgence in any form at this time… Well, that’s just nonsensical.

College Life:

I simply cannot fathom a worse time in your life to give your heart to another than when you embark on your college years. The combination of contrived social circles, molly, weed and vodka, and habitually terrible decisions will result in a great deal of angst and heartbreak. Just know that if she’s doing it with you, God knows who else is seeing that holy grail. Remember, you’re Elite, but you’re not that special. Whether it’s girl’s night out or guys night out, there is just no way to hold wholehearted trust in a fellow twenty-year-old. All young women pull out the good-girl disclaimer, but we’ve done enough field research to understand that is far from the truth. While unicorns might exist and the perfect girl might be hiding somewhere in the library stacks, we surely have never met her.

Free Spirits:

These shape shifters often times come in forms of hipsters, models, and theater majors. Their longing to relive the “free love” aspects of the 1960s and 1970s is a clear indicator that a few screws are loose up top. Any man or woman with an extensive sexual history is nothing more than a risk of contracting an STD. You call it free love; we call it hedonistic overindulgence. Whether it comes in the form of MDMA, Facebook break ups, or even encountering Drake at Greenhouse, we’ve seen women buckle far too easily when propositioned. But for what it’s worth, we’d probably do the same. I think it’s fair to say that we’re fairly promiscuous as well.

Dinners:

There is nothing worse than putting on the song and dance for another entitled princess you’ve stumbled across. Sure, she is dressed to the nines and enrolled in law school, but be careful of the ones that seem too good to be true. Three dinners and -$2,000 later you’ve found yourself in a cab home cursing your blue balls out because “she’s not that kind of girl.” Their supposed affinity for luxury always lead them to ordering anything off the menu that is market priced. That’s all fine and well, but when they proceed to only take two nibbles from their plate, you’ve just found yourself atop another poor investment. Recognizing that you’re better off prefacing dinner with three glasses of tequila on the rocks will ensure that you cut your dinner short and head for the bathroom stall. There’s nothing better than getting a quickie in the stalls of Le Cirque. What she may see as spontaneous lust is simply what you call your Wednesday night! You’re better off breaking into the dinner dating side of things after you’ve copulated a few times. At least you know you’ll be seeing a return on your investment.

Hopeless Romantics:

We can’t trust you because we can’t trust ourselves. We understand that men are dogs and no matter how great things might be in our love lives, the faintest encounter with a Colombian woman in white spandex shorts can send our lives into a tailspin. We really can’t help that we’re hopeless romantics. Your twenties serve as an opportunity to live a completely self-centered life, and failing to take advantage of that will only bring you a life of regret. How do you know if she is the one if you have not experienced anyone else? Sometimes, risks are worth taking. And when a relationship is truly meant to be, trust that everything will come together as it should. Sacrificing your love life for your work life is a bridge that all Elite must cross. Without sacrifice there is no Bugatti at the end of the rainbow. Simply, when you’re not looking for anything, everything is attractive.

What should you do?:

Unfortunately, there isn’t one. For most of us, we’ve conquered all the pedestrian sexual partners within our tax bracket. From the fashion week models, to the coke sniffing harlots atop couches in clubs, and every college girl in between; we’ve grown tiresome of the routine. Perhaps it’s our aspiration for luxury, but the more successful you are in life the better the beds get. As we’ve come to realize that we can fall in love with nearly any PYT that crosses our paths in an instant, it’s more important to focus on reaching your own goals and truly understanding the person that you are before you bring someone else into this mess of testosterone and ego. You cannot love another until you understand and love yourself. Any commitments before this point will simply be miserable for the both of you.