11 Things you shouldn’t do in a nightclub!
Going to clubs would be much more enjoyable if people knew how to behave when there. But there are some benefits to clubbing: you are surrounded by strangers that become new friends, give you a bump or even go back to your place to bang you. Unfortunately, you are just as likely to be surrounded by strangers who will become your fake, annoying friends; these are people from the bridge and tunnel crowd that might even possess several STD’s. Going out is like a double edged sword: you never really know what end of the experience you are going to get. It could be a shit night or a great night. So for those of you who do go out often, we would hope you already know not to do any of these things. For those of who do not go out often, stay away from breaking these rules at all costs, you will be thanking us later.
1. Do not take phone pics inside of the club!
Most clubs are dark, so none of your pictures will come out decent, especially with your lousy Instagram filter. Besides, the last thing you want to look like is the tourist or the desperate sorority girl who is snapping pictures right and left of everything going on. The last thing you want is to have a million pictures of you wasted. It is just bad public representation on your Facebook, and the untagging process is brutal. No need to have evidence of bad decisions; keep those for the mental highlight reel. If you really want to take a photo that badly find the club photographer and have him take your photos he probably has a better camera and if you’re a woman you can probably flirt with them and get the photos for free.
2. Do not be a club groupie!
We remember one time I went to a club event and Ron Artest was they special celebrity guest host that night and I swear women and some guys were treating him like he was David Beckham with his shirt off and all we could say was “ Do they not know that it Ron Artest?”. Now from time to time, nightclubs will have celebrities visit to boost that nightclub’s reputation (just like WIP with Chris Brown and Drake). These celebrities are either there to party, or to collect a ridiculous appearance fee. It is way too common that we have seen people in the club try to flock towards the celebrity to get a picture with them or join their table. We even know one person personally who tries to start a conversation with every celebrity they see at a club. It’s people like you that make going to the club the most terrible thing ever. Newsflash! The celebrities do not give a fuck about you, and the last thing they want to do is to take a picture with you. There is no need to be a celebrity groupie and post statuses on Facebook that they are at the club. They are NOT partying with you, you just happen to be in the same room as them. And that is about as relevant as saying you live in the same country as them, too.
3. DO NOT WAIT IN LINE….FOR ANYTHING!
I don’t care where you are on earth, If you stand in a line for more than 10 mins you’re officially a loser. We do not care if this is the bathroom line or the line outside to get in: the golden rule of life is that if you have to wait on line, you most likely do not belong there. If you have to piss like a race horse, just bully the line and cut it – we have done this countless times. If there is a line outside the club, either get together and get VIP or cut your losses and go to another bar (The drinks are probably cheaper anyway.). Go somewhere else if you cannot get in right away, or find a contact to help you get in instantly. If you’re a woman and you’re waiting in line…..You’re not that attractive. #FixYoFace
4. Do not take off any articles of clothing in the club!
Far too many times have we seen guys take their shirts off. Trust us, there is no way to look good when sweaty. But also, there are far too many times that we have seen rookie girls take their heels off because, “Their feet hurt.” There is nothing sexy about taking any piece of clothing off in a club, and especially taking your shoes off. Here is a thought: if your heels hurt, do not wear them. Here is a thought for you guys, as well: if you need to take your shirt off, go home. Your deodorant has most likely disappeared, so you smell like shit.
5. Do not hangout with the promoter!
Unfortunately, we live in a world where promoters are flocked to every venue. Being a part of a promoter’s table gives you a bad reputation: no one wants to be the promoter’s groupie. Of course, there will always be girls who do not know any better, that is why they are a part of the promoter’s table in the first place. Worst of all, your stomach will be in clear disagreement the morning after from all the cheap “Wodka” you consumed. Promoter girls are never as hot as the promoter ever says.
6. Do not fight the bouncer!
Many have tried and believe me none have succeeded! This is plain and simple: you will never, ever win. No matter how drunk you are, or how big you are, you will not win. If you take a second to think about it, trying to fight a nightclub bouncer is just completely unfair……for you. How can you beat a guy that knows you do not have a weapon (Because they fisked you before you walked in), more sober than you (Because only people that try are completely wasted), and deal with guys like you on a regular basis (So they know all the tricks). Remember people that Rocky/Drago shit only works in the movies.
7. She will never “Be right back”!
O you thought this only happened in scary movies?.....well its worse in the real world. If you ever hear a girl saying “I’ll be right back,” then you can kiss her goodbye forever because, I hate to break it to you, she is not coming back. If she were, she would not be leaving you! What she is bascially saying, is, “Thank you for the free drinks that you gave me along with your terrible conversation.” Do not fall for this move, just move on to the next one.
8. Never use your credit card!
When it comes to nightclubs, Randy Moss said it best “Straight Cash Homie!” We get that you want to be a good friend or show that you’re a big dawg so you will drop your card to book the VIP booth or start a tab for the night, but there are some rules to live by. If you put your card down make sure you tell the VIP hostess that it only to book the booth, after that get the crew together before yall head out to the club and start a collection plate. It is very important that you do no later than 2 hours before you head out because if you don’t ….well like they always say “a fool and his money will soon depart”. Don’t be the happy go lucky friend that allows your boys to “Get the money to you tomorrow morning.” because sorry, you will never get paid back by anyone the next day. Either have the cash, give up some ass, or just say “I’ll Pass!”.
9. Do not just order Champagne in the VIP!
This rule does have a exemptions if there bottles of Rozay, Ace of Spades, and anything else of $500.00/bottle, but for most of you regular guys this is a very bad no-no. When doing VIP you should never have more champagne bottles than alcohol bottles on your table. Champagne is finished way too quickly for you to enjoy it, and no one gets drunk. Ladies like champagne, but they drink that way too damn slow. Only get one or two bottles just to finish the night that way the ladies at your table will be loose off the goose but still feel classy off the champagne which leads to them to feel more comfortable and easier to take home without having to worry about them throwing up.
10. Do not drunk order more bottles!
It happens all the time! People order bottles to start off, get drunk off the bottles but still want to keep the party, bring on more bottles! Now this sounds like a good idea, but it never is. If you’re already feelin right and the bottles that you start off with run out…..just go and order shots at the bar. If you order more bottles more than likely your just showing off and the loudest guy in the room is the weakest guy in the room. You never finish the new bottles and if you do finish them now you’re really messed and you’re gonna probably be passing out soon. Buy more bottles and you’re gonna have two headaches in the morning….in your head and your bank account.
11. Do not do drugs…..in public!
This has to be the most idiotic action of them all. Yes, drug use is pretty big at clubs, and if you are going to do it then do it in the bathroom. Nothing will hurt your image more then people seeing you blow coke off your credit card. And if you are doing coke, just know you are probably not going to get your dick up for the rest of the night. Congratulations! Do not talk someone ear off in the club! In case many forgot, clubs have extremely loud music. So the last thing you should be trying to do is to blow someones ear out by having a full conversation. Keep the conversation simple and short.
Last min tips for the club!
*Don’t complain to the bartender about how long you had to wait to order.
*Don’t steal drinks off the bar!
*Keep getting a hook-up from the bartender to yourself.
*Don’t dance to the point where you are dripping sweat….it’s gross! (Take Breaks!)
*Never fight in the club! *Do not request a song in the DJ Booth with no type of money!
*No making out on the dance floor! (Go to the bathroom with that shit!)